Blues News Forum

I look like I was accepted to Plumbing school on the Butt Crack Fellowship, but only went so women had to pay me to clean their pipes.

If I said I won a gold medal for my pants not fitting, nobody would doubt me

CaptSMRT wrote: Thu Nov 17, 2022 11:12 pm I look like I was accepted to Plumbing school on the Butt Crack Fellowship, but only went so women had to pay me to clean their pipes.

If I said I won a gold medal for my pants not fitting, nobody would doubt me

You can make extra money by bending over and having people throw change in your ass… if they hit you directly in the “slot”, you will have to tell a funny joke.

My wife and I were trying to get pregnant and then she died, so I decided to just buy a baby with the insurance money I got from killing my wife.

CaptSMRT wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 1:25 pmMy wife and I were trying to get pregnant and then she died, so I decided to just buy a baby with the insurance money I got from killing my wife.

HISSSSSSSSS, BOOOOOOOOOOOO ....... You could've EASILY afforded twins!

JMC-STL wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 6:31 pm

CaptSMRT wrote: Sat Nov 19, 2022 1:25 pmMy wife and I were trying to get pregnant and then she died, so I decided to just buy a baby with the insurance money I got from killing my wife.

HISSSSSSSSS, BOOOOOOOOOOOO ....... You could've EASILY afforded twins!

With the new anti-abortion rules kicking in, the price of buying kids has to be coming down.

I see a lot of the Alex Jones folks crying about drag shows and books that make kids gay, makes me think they probably need to see some drag shows and read books that make kids gay. I started comparing gym class with drag shows and I can tell you which place I suffered more humiliations and homosexual temptation... it wasn't drag shows.

CaptSMRT wrote: Sun Nov 20, 2022 9:58 pmI see a lot of the Alex Jones folks crying about drag shows and books that make kids gay, makes me think they probably need to see some drag shows and read books that make kids gay. I started comparing gym class with drag shows and I can tell you which place I suffered more humiliations and homosexual temptation... it wasn't drag shows.

Coach Pottski made a LOT more money on the stage than he ever did stealing my new STL Cardinals' inspired red soled athletic shoes from my gym locker. There's a lesson in that for you, Cap'n.

JMC-STL wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 4:33 am

CaptSMRT wrote: Sun Nov 20, 2022 9:58 pmI see a lot of the Alex Jones folks crying about drag shows and books that make kids gay, makes me think they probably need to see some drag shows and read books that make kids gay. I started comparing gym class with drag shows and I can tell you which place I suffered more humiliations and homosexual temptation... it wasn't drag shows.

Coach Pottski made a LOT more money on the stage than he ever did stealing my new STL Cardinals' inspired red soled athletic shoes from my gym locker. There's a lesson in that for you, Cap'n.

Did they have wrestling week back in the 1700's when you went to high school? Wrestling is nothing but really aggressive hugging and whoever came up with "pinning" was definitely suffering through repressed sexuality. Then you follow up all of the aggressive square dancing you go take a group shower. I don't know about you, but I never came out of one of those feeling more confident. If you want your kid to learn self-esteem... send them to school on drag day with $100 in singles... making it rain builds winners!!!

CaptSMRT wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 12:25 pm

JMC-STL wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2022 4:33 am

CaptSMRT wrote: Sun Nov 20, 2022 9:58 pmI see a lot of the Alex Jones folks crying about drag shows and books that make kids gay, makes me think they probably need to see some drag shows and read books that make kids gay. I started comparing gym class with drag shows and I can tell you which place I suffered more humiliations and homosexual temptation... it wasn't drag shows.

Coach Pottski made a LOT more money on the stage than he ever did stealing my new STL Cardinals' inspired red soled athletic shoes from my gym locker. There's a lesson in that for you, Cap'n.

Did they have wrestling week back in the 1700's when you went to high school? Wrestling is nothing but really aggressive hugging and whoever came up with "pinning" was definitely suffering through repressed sexuality. Then you follow up all of the aggressive square dancing you go take a group shower. I don't know about you, but I never came out of one of those feeling more confident. If you want your kid to learn self-esteem... send them to school on drag day with $100 in singles... making it rain builds winners!!!

I attended a one-room high school. We had to wrassle every morning to get in the door & secure a seat up front, where you had the best view under Miss Langley's petticoats when she hiked them up & squatted down to pick up a piece of chalk. No hands.

At the store yesterday a woman started bitching at her husband over how he pushed the cart and I could hear his soul leak out of his body. How are you supposed to push a cart? Side ways?

CaptSMRT wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 1:42 pm At the store yesterday a woman started bitching at her husband over how he pushed the cart and I could hear his soul leak out of his body. How are you supposed to push a cart? Side ways?

If she was bitching at him loud enough for others to hear, he should have told her in an equally loud voice to shut her cocksucker and push the fuckin' cart herself.

Turk Sanderson wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:22 pm

CaptSMRT wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 1:42 pmAt the store yesterday a woman started bitching at her husband over how he pushed the cart and I could hear his soul leak out of his body. How are you supposed to push a cart? Side ways?

If she was bitching at him loud enough for others to hear, he should have told her in an equally loud voice to shut her cocksucker and push the fuckin' cart herself.

Sage advice from a 21st Century Man with a spotless marital record.

JMC-STL wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 3:21 pm

Turk Sanderson wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:22 pm

CaptSMRT wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 1:42 pmAt the store yesterday a woman started bitching at her husband over how he pushed the cart and I could hear his soul leak out of his body. How are you supposed to push a cart? Side ways?

If she was bitching at him loud enough for others to hear, he should have told her in an equally loud voice to shut her cocksucker and push the fuckin' cart herself.

Sage advice from a 21st Century Man with a spotless marital record.

That wouldn't surprise me either. You never know what you are going to see at the grocery store... it is a circus of human behavior. I have seen a person flip their wig for the deli going .01 over on an order. People will argue to buy expired items... when a store won't sell you something that might give you diarrhea or worse... you might want to trust them. Public displays of child abuse... break ups... you never know...

JMC-STL wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 3:21 pm

Turk Sanderson wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:22 pm

CaptSMRT wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 1:42 pmAt the store yesterday a woman started bitching at her husband over how he pushed the cart and I could hear his soul leak out of his body. How are you supposed to push a cart? Side ways?

If she was bitching at him loud enough for others to hear, he should have told her in an equally loud voice to shut her cocksucker and push the fuckin' cart herself.

Sage advice from a 21st Century Man with a spotless marital record.

I've only been married twice... the first one didn't like the way i pushed the shopping cart.

Turk Sanderson wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 4:51 pm

JMC-STL wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 3:21 pm

Turk Sanderson wrote: Mon Nov 28, 2022 2:22 pm
If she was bitching at him loud enough for others to hear, he should have told her in an equally loud voice to shut her cocksucker and push the fuckin' cart herself.

Sage advice from a 21st Century Man with a spotless marital record.

I've only been married twice... the first one didn't like the way i pushed the shopping cart.

That wasn't the pushin' she was complainin' about.

I love Red Lobster. You don't only get a meal when you dine with the Lobster you get free dinner theater, stiff pours, and the thrill of not knowing if you have been food poisoned... all for about $50. Skydiving can't hold a candle to the Admiral's Feast when you are looking for an adrenaline rush. Will I make it home? I don't know, its a crap shoot, literally. The Lobsters have seen everything too. The last time I was there one swam up and asked for a cigarette. The one time I wish I smoked. We chatted about life and how much we both hate Sea World. I cried when I ate him, my friend. My favorite part is the wait to get in... it takes a special kind of person to wait 2 hours on a Friday for fish that was caught last year. If you married your cousin you probably love the Lobster. It is easy to forget your mistakes when you see a crustacean get served with a subpoena in the lobby.

Good bit, I hope it kills for you. Speaking of which, be sure to add a moment of silence for that lobster, sounded like a righteous entree.

JMC-STL wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 8:08 am Good bit, I hope it kills for you. Speaking of which, be sure to add a moment of silence for that lobster, sounded like a righteous entree.

I grew up thinking Red Lobster was the fanciest restaurant on Earth. You felt like Don Corleone in that darkness with your candle on the table. In highschool we would go there and get drinks because they didn't give a fuck. I had a shitty fake ID and that is all it took at the Lobster.

You can get a hamburger at Red Lobster, made from real sea cows.

Time for them to take the next step in restaurant food marketing: the Impossible Lobster!

JMC-STL wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 11:47 am Time for them to take the next step in restaurant food marketing: the Impossible Lobster!

Plant based Lobsters were inevitable...

CaptSMRT wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 11:52 am

JMC-STL wrote: Tue Nov 29, 2022 11:47 am Time for them to take the next step in restaurant food marketing: the Impossible Lobster!

Plant based Lobsters were inevitable...

Lobster Wars!

This is about motivational videos and a little of the Red Lobster bit. First time for both.

If Chemtrails were the cure for white guys with dredlocks the problem would eventually take care of itself

CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Dec 02, 2022 8:36 amIf Chemtrails were the cure for white guys with dredlocks the problem would eventually take care of itself.

So which one is the problem: Chemtrails, or dreadlocks, or white guys? I know who I'd choose.