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Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2020 9:51 pm
by CaptSMRT
Turk Sanderson wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:18 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 6:17 pm
I had a woman tell me she thinks it's sexy when a man makes noises when they have sex...I said Trump needs to make ISIS pay for 9/11 and stuck my finger in her ass.
So the sound of sweaty pancakes wasn't getting it for her, huh?
The Sound of Sweaty Pancakes is my favorite Simon and Garfunkel song.
It isn't nihilism to say life is finite. I'm 45 ..approaching 400lbs...my window of mortality is winking closed...like Popeye's good eye. I took a shit in a house plant today and wiped with a leaf... let me tell you..Charmin could learn something from a fern.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2020 10:46 pm
by Turk Sanderson
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 9:51 pm
Turk Sanderson wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:18 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 6:17 pm
I had a woman tell me she thinks it's sexy when a man makes noises when they have sex...I said Trump needs to make ISIS pay for 9/11 and stuck my finger in her ass.
So the sound of sweaty pancakes wasn't getting it for her, huh?
The Sound of Sweaty Pancakes is my favorite Simon and Garfunkel song.
It isn't nihilism to say life is finite. I'm 45 ..approaching 400lbs...my window of mortality is winking closed...like Popeye's good eye. I took a shit in a house plant today and wiped with a leaf... let me tell you..Charmin could learn something from a fern.
You should do your family a favor, and go ahead and book your funeral at today's rate... after 400 lbs, prices practically double.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:28 pm
by CaptSMRT
Turk Sanderson wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 10:46 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 9:51 pm
Turk Sanderson wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:18 pm
So the sound of sweaty pancakes wasn't getting it for her, huh?
The Sound of Sweaty Pancakes is my favorite Simon and Garfunkel song.
It isn't nihilism to say life is finite. I'm 45 ..approaching 400lbs...my window of mortality is winking closed...like Popeye's good eye. I took a shit in a house plant today and wiped with a leaf... let me tell you..Charmin could learn something from a fern.
You should do your family a favor, and go ahead and book your funeral at today's rate... after 400 lbs, prices practically double.
I'm a light 400.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:38 am
by JMC-STL
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:28 pmI'm a light 400.
You're also a young terminal. Skip a gig or 3 and get help. We'll all be happier.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:18 am
by CaptSMRT
JMC-STL wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:38 am
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:28 pmI'm a light 400.
You're also a young terminal. Skip a gig or 3 and get help. We'll all be happier.
You could skip waking up tomorrow and nobody would notice.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 2:39 pm
by JMC-STL
CaptSMRT wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:18 am
JMC-STL wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:38 am
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 17, 2020 11:28 pmI'm a light 400.
You're also a young terminal. Skip a gig or 3 and get help. We'll all be happier.
You could skip waking up tomorrow and nobody would notice.
Mrs. JMC would, when it came time for her to make the bed. She'd have to move the body somewhere to get it outta the way. But thanks for your concern.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 3:14 pm
by CaptSMRT
JMC-STL wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 2:39 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:18 am
JMC-STL wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:38 am
You're also a young terminal. Skip a gig or 3 and get help. We'll all be happier.
You could skip waking up tomorrow and nobody would notice.
Mrs. JMC would, when it came time for her to make the bed. She'd have to move the body somewhere to get it outta the way. But thanks for your concern.
She can throw you in the compost heap with the rest of the dog shit.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 3:15 pm
by CaptSMRT
JMC-STL wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 2:39 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:18 am
JMC-STL wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:38 am
You're also a young terminal. Skip a gig or 3 and get help. We'll all be happier.
You could skip waking up tomorrow and nobody would notice.
Mrs. JMC would, when it came time for her to make the bed. She'd have to move the body somewhere to get it outta the way. But thanks for your concern.
She can throw you in the compost heap with the rest of the dog shit.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:51 pm
by JMC-STL
Piling on the posts now? You comedy guys sure are insecure.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Sun Jan 19, 2020 8:41 am
by CaptSMRT
JMC-STL wrote: Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:51 pm
Piling on the posts now? You comedy guys sure are insecure.
I'm not insecure. It gets old when people attack me for doing comedy. What did I try to do...make people laugh?
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2020 6:09 pm
by CaptSMRT
Why does the oil light on your dashboard look like a genie's lamp?
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2020 7:24 pm
by Turk Sanderson
CaptSMRT wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 6:09 pm
Why does the oil light on your dashboard look like a genie's lamp?
oil.jpg
Viewed 14295 times 35.51 KiB
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Tue Jan 21, 2020 8:19 pm
by CaptSMRT
Turk Sanderson wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 7:24 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 6:09 pm
Why does the oil light on your dashboard look like a genie's lamp?
oil.jpg
The only wish it grants is a new car payment.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2020 1:37 am
by JMC-STL
CaptSMRT wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 8:19 pm
Turk Sanderson wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 7:24 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Tue Jan 21, 2020 6:09 pmWhy does the oil light on your dashboard look like a genie's lamp?
oil.jpg
The only wish it grants is a new car payment.
I always thought it looked like an Abrams tank with a bad case of gonorrhea. But if you rub it, it only gets worse.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 7:00 am
by CaptSMRT
Ladders weren't invented until 8000 BC. You owe your existence to low hanging fruit.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 7:03 am
by CaptSMRT
Ladders weren't invented until 8000 BC. You owe your existence to low hanging fruit.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 7:42 am
by JMC-STL
@Cap'n: Seems you have recurring symptoms of Posting Gonorrhea. Maybe The Rev can give you a certificate to clear that up. With an order of his new spicy fried pickles appetizer.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2020 1:28 pm
by Turk Sanderson
JMC-STL wrote: Tue Jan 28, 2020 7:42 am
@Cap'n: Seems you have recurring symptoms of Posting Gonorrhea. Maybe The Rev can give you a certificate to clear that up. With an order of his new spicy fried pickles appetizer.
Turk can't cure STDs... but The Burning Bush did tell me that there's a cure for the hair loss, which the Capt'n has been known to gripe about from time to time. He was laughing as it said it, so I'm not sure if I believe him...he does have a weird sense of humor sometimes.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2020 7:16 am
by CaptSMRT
Playing roller hockey is probably the lowest rung of society...people look down more on roller hockey than they do on smoking crack or kidnapping.
You tell someone you play hockey...they are like..that is cool, you say roller hockey and they look at you like you showed them a sore on your dick.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:54 pm
by CaptSMRT
Why am I only now figuring out that the true host represents Christ's jizz? Its salty, white, some old dude puts it on your tongue.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:58 pm
by Turk Sanderson
CaptSMRT wrote: Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:54 pm
Why am I only now figuring out that the true host represents Christ's jizz? Its salty, white, some old dude puts it on your tongue.
I've been warning you for years about those Catholics.... if you are still eating
their hosts, that's on you.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2020 1:02 pm
by JMC-STL
Turk Sanderson wrote: Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:58 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:54 pmWhy am I only now figuring out that the true host represents Christ's jizz? Its salty, white, some old dude puts it on your tongue.
I've been warning you for years about those Catholics.... if you are still eating
their hosts, that's on you.
You two are making it VERY difficult for me to share God's forgiveness with you.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Thu Jan 30, 2020 5:42 pm
by CaptSMRT
JMC-STL wrote: Thu Jan 30, 2020 1:02 pm
Turk Sanderson wrote: Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:58 pm
CaptSMRT wrote: Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:54 pmWhy am I only now figuring out that the true host represents Christ's jizz? Its salty, white, some old dude puts it on your tongue.
I've been warning you for years about those Catholics.... if you are still eating
their hosts, that's on you.
You two are making it VERY difficult for me to share God's forgiveness with you.
Jesus made water into wine...the bible doesn't go into the specifics on where it came from. I like to think it shot out of his wrists like Spider-man because the alternative is kind of gross.
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2020 6:21 am
by CaptSMRT
Re: How many Blues fans does it take?
Posted: Fri Jan 31, 2020 11:24 am
by Turk Sanderson
CaptSMRT wrote: Fri Jan 31, 2020 6:21 am
You must have had an audience of Quakers, or prostitutes...or both.