JMC-STL wrote:

Turk Sanderson wrote:She'd go flying around with that umbrella these days, the RAF would scramble a couple of jets, and take her ass out with a sidewinder missle.

That would be an ultimately futile tactical choice, Turk - this isn't The Falklands, mate. If Mary's heart is as cold as The Cap'n purports, the short range AIM-9 Sidewinder's infrared seeker would send the shot looping past her & steer it toward Aussie Bert's juvenile barbie. Better for the UK RAF Tornado crew to cue up one of its inertial mid-course/radar terminal guided AIM-120 AMRAAMs to put the pop in 'er pudding from a stand-off range, sparing the Sidewinders for a second pass at Bert's half-arsed chimney sweeping efforts. And Bob's your uncle.

Turk Sanderson wrote:

JMC-STL wrote:

Turk Sanderson wrote:She'd go flying around with that umbrella these days, the RAF would scramble a couple of jets, and take her ass out with a sidewinder missle.

That would be an ultimately futile tactical choice, Turk - this isn't The Falklands, mate. If Mary's heart is as cold as The Cap'n purports, the short range AIM-9 Sidewinder's infrared seeker would send the shot looping past her & steer it toward Aussie Bert's juvenile barbie. Better for the UK RAF Tornado crew to cue up one of its inertial mid-course/radar terminal guided AIM-120 AMRAAMs to put the pop in 'er pudding from a stand-off range, sparing the Sidewinders for a second pass at Bert's half-arsed chimney sweeping efforts. And Bob's your uncle.

Too much fog and coal dust in the air for a mid-range...too much risk. I'll take the sidewinder.. a mid-range could lose course and maybe hit Big Ben, The Royal Palace, or even worse, Abbey Road Studios, leaving the building and Britain's economy in a state of ruin.

CaptSMRT wrote:You guys know too much about missiles.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:You guys know too much about missiles.

Well, one of us does. And his screen name doesn't begin with "Turk."

CaptSMRT wrote:

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:You guys know too much about missiles.

Well, one of us does. And his screen name doesn't begin with "Turk."

I seriously doubt Mary Poppins has the maneuverability or the armor to withstand 50 cal anti-aircraft guns.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:

JMC-STL wrote: Well, one of us does. And his screen name doesn't begin with "Turk."

I seriously doubt Mary Poppins has the maneuverability or the armor to withstand 50 cal anti-aircraft guns.

Ah, that would be the good old Vickers .50 machine gun. Sorry, mate, but the Royal Navy retired those in 19 & 54. Their modern Armed Forces rely primarily on the Stormer/Starstreak high velocity missile (HVM) man-portable air-defence system (MANPADS) - either shoulder-launched or vehicle borne - for taking down such airborne nuisances. Do you need their number to ring them up for the next shed-yuled stage adaptation?

CaptSMRT wrote:

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote: I seriously doubt Mary Poppins has the maneuverability or the armor to withstand 50 cal anti-aircraft guns.

Ah, that would be the good old Vickers .50 machine gun. Sorry, mate, but the Royal Navy retired those in 19 & 54. Their modern Armed Forces rely primarily on the Stormer/Starstreak high velocity missile (HVM) man-portable air-defence system (MANPADS) - either shoulder-launched or vehicle borne - for taking down such airborne nuisances. Do you need their number to ring them up for the next shed-yuled stage adaptation?

HA!!! That missile sounds like some kind of tampon.

CaptSMRT wrote:I was talking to a woman about my comedy career and she said I needed to take life by the balls and crush them. Clearly she has never owned balls. Why does taking control of life need to include genital mutilation?

CaptSMRT wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:I was talking to a woman about my comedy career and she said I needed to take life by the balls and crush them. Clearly she has never owned balls. Why does taking control of life need to include genital mutilation?

Every part of this worked until I said it was a roller derby girl and then these lesbians started hissing.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:I was talking to a woman about my comedy career and she said I needed to take life by the balls and crush them. Clearly she has never owned balls. Why does taking control of life need to include genital mutilation?

Every part of this worked until I said it was a roller derby girl and then these lesbians started hissing.

And had they been lesbians from Kenya, they would've hissed twice as loudly. Maybe three times, if they had caught your act before.

CaptSMRT wrote:Grabbing life by the balls is a fairly common phrase. I don't see why I would be out of line by pointing out how sick it is to crush them.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:Grabbing life by the balls is a fairly common phrase. I don't see why I would be out of line by pointing out how sick it is to crush them.

Try being a lesbian for a day, and maybe you'd see it all differently.

CaptSMRT wrote:Things didn't get better when I said I was a hypochondriac who has been imaginary cancer-free for three days.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:Things didn't get better when I said I was a hypochondriac who has been imaginary cancer-free for three days.

"The Big C" is no laughing matter. Unless you're at a proctology convention. Then it's four days worth of colon polyp & rubber glove jokes.

CaptSMRT wrote:

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:Things didn't get better when I said I was a hypochondriac who has been imaginary cancer-free for three days.

"The Big C" is no laughing matter. Unless you're at a proctology convention. Then it's four days worth of colon polyp & rubber glove jokes.

I am not buying that. Cancer is a terrible thing, which makes it an important thing to normalize through conversation.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:

JMC-STL wrote: "The Big C" is no laughing matter. Unless you're at a proctology convention. Then it's four days worth of colon polyp & rubber glove jokes.

I am not buying that. Cancer is a terrible thing, which makes it an important thing to normalize through conversation.

You can't normalize human emotional responses to tragic circumstances just by a one-liner or quip or a Tweet ... unless you're Ellen or Dr. Phil or The Donald. Dress accordingly.

CaptSMRT wrote:I spend all weekend paranoid that I have terminal eye cancer...but I can't talk about it because it is too tragic.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:I spend all weekend paranoid that I have terminal eye cancer...but I can't talk about it because it is too tragic.

Good for you. Now you can turn a blind eye to all of the criticism.

CaptSMRT wrote:A person can go on stage and say...ohhhhhh I have Cancer...and people will clap. I say I have hypochondria and people think I am faking it.

JMC-STL wrote:

CaptSMRT wrote:A person can go on stage and say...ohhhhhh I have Cancer...and people will clap. I say I have hypochondria and people think I am faking it.

Now I happen to like that one, but it's gonna go over many people's chemically-bared heads.

JMC-STL wrote:"LOL" I believe is how you kids put it these days.

But where do you go with this? It will rather quickly evoke George Costanza comparisons from the more sophisticated members of your audience. And believe me, you're no George Costanza.

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