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How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:50 am
by CaptSMRT
How many Blues fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None...they will do it next year.


HA!! If you can't laugh at your self...chances are someone is doing it for you.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:42 pm
by CaptSMRT
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Why is Bill Cosby a Blues fan? He loves it when someone goes down in the first round.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:40 pm
by Turk Sanderson
A Blues Fan's light bulb never goes out. :idea:

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 6:48 pm
by CaptSMRT
Turk Sanderson wrote:A Blues Fan's light bulb never goes out. :idea:
It is too early in the season for you to be this good.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:10 pm
by Turk Sanderson
CaptSMRT wrote:
Turk Sanderson wrote:A Blues Fan's light bulb never goes out. :idea:
It is too early in the season for you to be this good.
Mid-season form?

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:54 pm
by CaptSMRT
Turk Sanderson wrote:
CaptSMRT wrote:
Turk Sanderson wrote:A Blues Fan's light bulb never goes out. :idea:
It is too early in the season for you to be this good.
Mid-season form?
You are scraping February.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2015 6:42 am
by CaptSMRT
There was a couple in the audience on Wed night who were blowing lines off of their table. Finally something entertaining happened at one of my shows.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2015 8:48 am
by stlblues1226
Turk Sanderson wrote:
CaptSMRT wrote:
Turk Sanderson wrote:A Blues Fan's light bulb never goes out. :idea:
It is too early in the season for you to be this good.
Mid-season form?
Certainly not post season form.....

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2015 7:03 am
by CaptSMRT
Dreamed Freddy Krueger saw me naked, it was pretty gruesome, he threw up all over the place, said he wasn't coming back. I got a letter from his lawyer, that said I wasn't to dream within 500ft of Freddy or face jail.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2015 10:47 am
by Turk Sanderson
stlblues1226 wrote:
Turk Sanderson wrote:
CaptSMRT wrote:
It is too early in the season for you to be this good.
Mid-season form?
Certainly not post season form.....
Thanks...I appreciate that. :lol:

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2015 5:23 pm
by CaptSMRT
You could reboot any movie with the Rock and it would be better. Imagine "The Godfather" can you smell what Fredo is cooking! Betrayal.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 6:39 am
by JMC-STL
You certainly have a fruitful imagination, Capt. What kinda fruit is that, anyway?

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 11:11 am
by CaptSMRT
JMC-STL wrote:You certainly have a fruitful imagination, Capt. What kinda fruit is that, anyway?

I never do Rock jokes on stage, however, I do enjoy them. Call me crazy...I have slowly worked my way up in comedy, hopefully when Helium opens I can get some hosting gigs and get paid to tell people about my dick.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 2:49 pm
by JMC-STL
CaptSMRT wrote:...I have slowly worked my way up in comedy, hopefully when Helium opens I can get some hosting gigs and get paid to tell people about my dick.
I look forward to hearing that short tale.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 2:56 pm
by CaptSMRT
JMC-STL wrote:
CaptSMRT wrote:...I have slowly worked my way up in comedy, hopefully when Helium opens I can get some hosting gigs and get paid to tell people about my dick.
I look forward to hearing that short tale.
I would rather talk about Moon landing hoax theories..or why Superman 3 is the greatest movie of all times...but you have to give the audience what they want.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 3:11 pm
by MissouriMook
CaptSMRT wrote:
JMC-STL wrote:
CaptSMRT wrote:...I have slowly worked my way up in comedy, hopefully when Helium opens I can get some hosting gigs and get paid to tell people about my dick.
I look forward to hearing that short tale.
I would rather talk about Moon landing hoax theories..or why Superman 3 is the greatest movie of all times...but you have to give the audience what they want.
Free tickets to anything else?

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 3:31 pm
by JMC-STL
CaptSMRT wrote:
JMC-STL wrote:
CaptSMRT wrote:...I have slowly worked my way up in comedy, hopefully when Helium opens I can get some hosting gigs and get paid to tell people about my dick.
I look forward to hearing that short tale.
I would rather talk about Moon landing hoax theories..or why Superman 3 is the greatest movie of all times...but you have to give the audience what they want.
So if the subject matter you've reluctantly chosen is truly want your audience wants, shouldn't you be the warmup act at a male strip joint? Or is "warmup" too flattering for your circumstances?

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 7:24 pm
by CaptSMRT
The chicks will cream when they get a hold on this greased lightening.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 6:51 pm
by rcbcmr
CaptSMRT wrote:
JMC-STL wrote:You certainly have a fruitful imagination, Capt. What kinda fruit is that, anyway?

I never do Rock jokes on stage, however, I do enjoy them. Call me crazy...I have slowly worked my way up in comedy, hopefully when Helium opens I can get some hosting gigs and get paid to tell people about my dick.
So does talking about your little tale ever get you a little tail?

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 8:42 pm
by CaptSMRT
HA...girls love it. Not for nothing...I am not a dick joke guy. I say weird stuff....like "Freddy Krueger saw me naked and now I am not allowed to dream within 500ft of him." I tried to do nothing but clean jokes for a while...and I noticed people were wanting sex jokes.

Come out to Wed Night open mic at Valley Park Funny Bone...bring a date...you will get laid I promise. I have a joke that is worded to make it highly more likely that a girl will be receptive to the old mouth party. Trust me.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Mon Oct 19, 2015 11:25 pm
by CaptSMRT
I'll be at the Corner Keg in Highland...hopefully some of these IL hicks will come out for some jokes about sex with E.T.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 8:56 am
by CaptSMRT
CaptSMRT wrote:I'll be at the Corner Keg in Highland...hopefully some of these IL hicks will come out for some jokes about sex with E.T.

Holy shit...what a nightmare. I fucking hate bar comedy.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 9:19 am
by CaptSMRT
Wheelchairs are heavy. I was in Forest Park standing in the Science Center Parking lot when I heard a noise that sounded not unlike a wounded rabbit. I am a GOD DAMN rabbit lover, so I went to investigate. Did I find a rabbit? No. Did I find an electric wheelchair with a 250lb head sitting in it? Yes. "HELP!" This chair was dangling over the highway, a part of me thought...maybe this is GOD's plan, he maketh 250lb heads and he taketh them in mysterious ways. Who am I to argue with GOD? Of course I made the wrong decision and decided to help. Let me make this abundantly clear, electric wheel chairs are heavy when they are empty, and they weigh even more when they are occupied by giant heads with flipper hands and feet. That was the easy part. Now the head is all excited and tell me it's chair is broke and that I must fix it. Have you ever tried to explain to a giant head that you are not a wheel chair repairman? She wanted me to learn. I have no idea why I noticed that her control stick was out of reach from her flipper, but I did. Maybe I am a wheelchair repairman. As fast as I "fixed" this heads chair it took off at full speed, and I think it gave me the middle flipper. I'm not going to call myself a hero, but I sure felt like one.

Imagine this guy wearing a floral moo moo.
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Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2015 7:12 am
by CaptSMRT
Be a light in the dark.

Re: How many Blues fans does it take?

Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2015 11:28 pm
by CaptSMRT
I think Havlat could be a great addition to the power...I mean. I nailed Batman.